MCAT Writing Sample Corrected

[mcat_premed3832]

Education comes not from books but from practical experience.

Learning to swim is most effectively done by practicing in the water. A manual or written tutorial about swimming proves ineffective when faced with a giant pool of water. A mastery of the practical skill comes from experience and self discovery. A baby leans to crawl, a kid leans to ride a bike, and immigrants learn new social customs all through a similar mechanism pertaining to trial and error and learning by practical experience. Information from books is less effective in conveying this information to the individual than is learning via action. In this way skill and talents are predominately gained in a more efficient fashion through experience. An instance of this is a surgeon learning to operate.

However, another from of learning poses a better option under circumstances based on the nature of the desired knowledge. Like swimming is not efficiently gained from a book, historical facts are not sufficiently illustrated by everyday experiences. An individual desiring information about history, scientific workings, or mathematical theories should be advised to open a book rather than venture to the outside world for such practical experiences. An organic chemistry mechanism is more easily understood on paper, facts about wars or political history are readily available in books, and a plethora of world knowledge is available in the written form. When trying to learn about a topic in a short time frame, books are typically the better option. When studying for the MCAT exam, my review book was a frequent companion. Trying to learn the information required in any other way would have been near impossible. Thus, books offer a valuable learning tool.

While practical experiences and books serve as learning conduits, a third option for learning provides the best strategy. A synthesis of not only written information and practical experience, but also incorporating a review of other people's successes and failures stands as the most successful learning strategy. The aspiring surgeon first refers to written procedure and diagrams, then watches his colleagues perform the surgery, until he is finally ready to apply practical experience himself. A good learner is able to learn from others as well as books and himself.

_________________________________________________

Essay #1

Ideas: very good.

Technical Errors: very few (ie. You repeated the word “lean" when you meant “learn”; “from” = “form”), overall very well written.


Primary Objective - The Writing Tasks:

Task #1: overall: very good

- Problems: (1) you “defined” education as learning but practical experience was never clearly defined; it is difficult to maintain a cohesive essay if the terms are not clearly defined; (2) your style of writing seems to suggest that you agree with the statement in the first paragraph which sets you up for a contradiction. Your options include using the third person: The statement provided suggests . . . OR be more clear: Certainly it is quite common or it is often the case ….

Task #2: this task is incomplete. You created a well written paragraph with many excellent examples but you missed the point of this task: describe a specific example of the “opposite” and explore it. One clear example, properly explored, is the requirement (extra examples may be the difference between a 5/6 and a 6/6 IF you adequately address all tasks).

Task #3: inconsistent. By not clearly defining the terms from the beginning, having so many examples and then coming up with such a conclusion, it is easy to pick up counterarguments within your essay. Remember: “a unified essay” is part of the instructions.

Two Independent Markers:

Score #1: 3/6

Score #2: 4/6

Overall Letter Grade: O

For a clearer definition of the meaning of a score out of 6, look at the last section of the first lesson for The Writing Sample in The Gold Standard MCAT or below:

6/6: Thorough exploration of the topic and fully addressed tasks are features of six point essays. These essays show depth, structure, excellent vocabulary and sentence control as well as coherent focused organization.

5/6: All tasks are addressed by the essay. The treatment of the subject is substantial but not as thorough as for a six point essay. While some depth, structure and good vocabulary and sentence control is exhibited, this is at a lower level than for a six point essay.

4/6: All three tasks are addressed but the topic is given only a moderate exploration. Clarity of thought is present but some digression is seen although the text is structured. The quality of the vocabulary and of the sentence structure is adequate.

3/6: The essay distorts or neglects one of the three tasks. The issue may be only minimally treated. The essay demonstrates basic control of sentence structure and vocabulary, but the language may not serve to adequately forward the writer's thoughts. The essay may show organization but may be classified as simplistic.

2/6: The essay completely fails to address adequately one or more of the tasks. There may be recurring mechanical errors (i.e. spelling and grammar). Problems with analysis and organization are typical.

1/6: Problems with organization and mechanics in these essays make it very difficult for the reader to follow them. The essay may fail to address the topic entirely.

The essay is scored by two readers on a scale of 1 (lowest) to 6 (highest). The combined scores from the two essays (2 to 12 out of 12) are then converted to a scale ranging from J (lowest) to T (highest):

J (2), K (3), L (4), M (5), N (6), O (7), P (8 ), Q (9), R (10), S (11), T (12)