MCAT Writing Sample Corrected 3

[jeanne7524]

Prompt: Advancements in communication technology have reduced the quality of human interaction.



“I miss the old days when I used to be able to feel the warmth of people.” We often hear this from people of generations that remember the days before the advancements in communication technology. Older generations often argue that the electronic mails and cellular phones have made interactions less meaningful and heart-warming.

Why has the convenience of communication made it of less quality? It is precisely because of the convenience; it takes less effort and time to reach out to someone. The gesture of reaching out is less appreciated and sometimes is rightfully less meaningful. For example, we consider hand-written letters to have more effort and care put into it than electronic mails or printouts. We used to sit by the telephone and wait for the expected phone calls from a loved one when there was no cellular phone. A phone call was appreciated and welcomed with joy rather than that “Why is everyone looking for me today?” comment.

On the other hand, the same characteristic of the advancement in technology has potentially made the quality of human interactions higher at the same time. Because it is easier and cheaper to reach out to loved ones, it is possible to do so more often and with less financial burdens. A father who is on a business trip can listen to what his child has to say about his day at the kindergarten without having to hurry the conversation. A couple in a long distance relationship can keep in touch more often. Likewise, the convenience of communication that technology has created often brings human interactions of high quality along with it.

Consequently, the quality of the human interactions depends on the persons who are communicating rather than the technology. It is sometimes true that the advancements in technology have brought about unwanted low-quality interactions such as telephone-marketing or spam mails. However, it is also true that these advancements have also brought happiness to some others who are able to take advantage of the technological inventions in positive ways. Therefore, it is the persons who are interacting rather than the means they are using, on which the quality of the interaction depends.


Ideas:
Ideas are good and are presented with depth and substance considering the time limit placed on the writing task.

Technical Errors:
Few spelling errors were found like heart-warming instead of heartwarming, hand-written instead of handwritten, low-quality instead of low quality. Grammatical errors should be avoided. For example, "human interactions" should be "human interaction" only in paragraph 3 sentence 1.

Task 1:
Opening the essay with a quote was effectively done. There was also depth in the interpretation of the prompt.

Task 2:
Because the thesis was well presented, the argument becomes consequential.

Task 3:
The resolution is well-put.

TWO INDEPENDENT MARKERS:
Score #1: 5/6
Score #2: 4/6
Overall Letter Grade: Q

For a clearer definition of the meaning of a score out of 6, look at the last section of the first lesson for The Writing Sample in The Gold Standard MCAT or below:
6/6: Thorough exploration of the topic and fully addressed tasks are features of six point essays. These essays show depth, structure, excellent vocabulary and sentence control as well as coherent focused organization.
5/6: All tasks are addressed by the essay. The treatment of the subject is substantial but not as thorough as for a six point essay. While some depth, structure and good vocabulary and sentence control is exhibited, this is at a lower level than for a six point essay.
4/6: All three tasks are addressed but the topic is given only a moderate exploration. Clarity of thought is present but some digression is seen although the text is structured. The quality of the vocabulary and of the sentence structure is adequate.
3/6: The essay distorts or neglects one of the three tasks. The issue may be only minimally treated. The essay demonstrates basic control of sentence structure and vocabulary, but the language may not serve to adequately forward the writer's thoughts. The essay may show organization but may be classified as simplistic.
2/6: The essay completely fails to address adequately one or more of the tasks. There may be recurring mechanical errors (i.e. spelling and grammar). Problems with analysis and organization are typical.
1/6: Problems with organization and mechanics in these essays make it very difficult for the reader to follow them. The essay may fail to address the topic entirely.
The essay is scored by two readers on a scale of 1 (lowest) to 6 (highest). The combined scores from the two essays (2 to 12 out of 12) are then converted to a scale ranging from J (lowest) to T (highest):

J (2), K (3), L (4), M (5), N (6), O (7), P (8 ), Q (9), R (10), S (11), T (12)