MCAT Writing Sample Corrected 4

[jeanne7524]

Prompt: An understanding of the past is necessary for solving the problems of the present.



Although times change and new products keep pouring out, we somehow find ourselves in repeating history. We see wars, corrupt governments, natural disasters, and economic depressions. In certain aspects, different generations and times have similar problems. Therefore, studying the past and the way people of different times dealt with the problems can give us clues about how to approach the issues of today.

For example, we often refer back to the time of Prohibition when we discuss the problems with drugs today. People who argue for the legalization of drugs use Prohibition as their evidence that oppressive measures are not the best. On the other hand, arguments against the legalization of drugs refer to the problems that these harmful substances have created in our society’s history. Famous public figures such as sports stars or celebrities that diminished or even died from drugs show that these substances can affect our society in significantly negative ways. Likewise, understanding history is helpful when considering the problems of today.

Nevertheless, there are situations in which the issues of today would be irrelevant in the past. For example, the rising concern about the invasion of privacy that comes from the usage of the Internet is relatively recent. There was no comparable system to the Internet that created similar problems, and understanding the past cannot solve this sort of problem.

History, which can be a useful tool in assessing today’s problems, is also sometimes irrelevant in the present. Whether understanding history is helpful today depends on the context and the nature of the problems. If the problem is the result of a relatively new phenomenon or technology, there may be no comparable times in the history. However, if the problem arises from human nature or resembles those of the past, as it is the case with wars and economic depressions, then studying how the problems were solved back in the day can be tremendously helpful.


Ideas:
Needs to support the examples cited with valid arguments in order to come up with a strong and effective presentation of ideas

Technical Errors:
Few grammatical errors (i.e. usage of verb tenses and prepositions) and inappropriate choice of words.

Task #1:
Explanation of the statement needs to have more depth.

Understanding history does entail studying past events; however, it doesn’t only involve knowing how problems were solved. Understanding the motivations and causes of certain events would be a more effective approach especially when the statement asks “for solving the problems of the present”.

The issue(s) on Prohibition “that oppressive measures are not the best” needs further illustration. This point also needs to be appropriately validated and connected with cases of drug abuse among famous people.

Task #2:
Taking internet usage as a point of issue on the invasion of privacy is rather weak. The main point of the antithesis here is, “There was no comparable system to the Internet that created similar problems, and understanding the past cannot solve this sort of problem.” This is basically comparing past and present issues that could be parallel to each other. Invasion of privacy may take on different specific situations in the past and the present. However, the underlying concerns may still be very much similar.

Perhaps specific instances of hacking would have supported the argument better.

Task #3:
The line “whether understanding history is helpful today depends on the context and the nature of the problems” is a very legitimate idea. Resolution statements in the last paragraph could have been very effective if arguments in the preceding paragraphs were logically presented.

TWO INDEPENDENT MARKERS:
Score #1: 3/6
Score #2: 3/6
Overall Letter Grade: N

For a clearer definition of the meaning of a score out of 6, look at the last section of the first lesson for The Writing Sample in The Gold Standard MCAT or below:
6/6: Thorough exploration of the topic and fully addressed tasks are features of six point essays. These essays show depth, structure, excellent vocabulary and sentence control as well as coherent focused organization.
5/6: All tasks are addressed by the essay. The treatment of the subject is substantial but not as thorough as for a six point essay. While some depth, structure and good vocabulary and sentence control is exhibited, this is at a lower level than for a six point essay.
4/6: All three tasks are addressed but the topic is given only a moderate exploration. Clarity of thought is present but some digression is seen although the text is structured. The quality of the vocabulary and of the sentence structure is adequate.
3/6: The essay distorts or neglects one of the three tasks. The issue may be only minimally treated. The essay demonstrates basic control of sentence structure and vocabulary, but the language may not serve to adequately forward the writer's thoughts. The essay may show organization but may be classified as simplistic.
2/6: The essay completely fails to address adequately one or more of the tasks. There may be recurring mechanical errors (i.e. spelling and grammar). Problems with analysis and organization are typical.
1/6: Problems with organization and mechanics in these essays make it very difficult for the reader to follow them. The essay may fail to address the topic entirely.
The essay is scored by two readers on a scale of 1 (lowest) to 6 (highest). The combined scores from the two essays (2 to 12 out of 12) are then converted to a scale ranging from J (lowest) to T (highest):

J (2), K (3), L (4), M (5), N (6), O (7), P (8 ), Q (9), R (10), S (11), T (12)