Corrected Writing Sample

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Technology solves many problems, but in the process often creates new problems.

Describe a specific situation in which a technology might not create a new problem. Discuss what you think determines when a technology?s benefits outweigh its potential problems.

The past century has seen an unprecented explosion of new technologies that have completely changed the way humans live. Most of these new inventions and discoveries have been successful in solving many problems humans face. Computers have enabled people to store and process massive amounts of information at lightning-fast speeds. The Internet has allowed people from across the globe to connect with each other and learn from each other. Cars, buses, trains and airplanes have all contributed to the extreme reduction in transportation time from the era of horse-drawn carriages. All of these developments and many others have made life easier in many ways for most people. However, every form of technology has its downside. While technology may solve many problems, it just as easily creates new problems in the process.

Technology creates new problems through the negative side effects a new invention or device has. For example, cars have completely reshaped the way people in developed countries move from place to place. Although cars have enabled people to get to their destinations faster, they also bring with them a slew of disadvantages. First of all, exhaust fumes from these vehicles pump out huge amounts of pollution into the atmosphere, creating perpetual clouds of smog over large cities. This smog leads to other consequences, such as respiratory problems in the elderly. In addition, cars have been the cause of death of millions of people due to automobile accidents. This invention, which has become indispensable to most inhabitants of developed countries over the years, clearly has also created a wide range of difficult problems that negatively impact the people who use it.

Not all forms of new technology need to be negative, however. Many medical inventions and advancements have proved to be positive on the whole, which very few negative side effects. In recent years, magnetic resonance imaging, or MRI's, have become a very useful diagnostic tool for physicians. MRI's allow physicians to attain a clear picture of what a patients innards look like. Doctors can use MRI's to discover whether a patient has a tumor or not, and whether he or she shows any signs of brain damage. MRI's can also be used to examine many other physical ailments in an effective, nonintrusive way. Because MRI's do not make use of radiation like X-rays do, they are typically safer than most other diagnostic technologies. The technology itself, therefore, supplies physicians with a powerful tool for treating patients, and it does not harm patients or create new problems.

Technology can often be seen as a double-edged sword in that it simultaneously improves lives but negatively impacts them at the same time. Many new inventions have been embraced by the public without realizing what their problems were until it was too late. What determines whether a technology's benefits outweigh its potential problems, therefore, is its range of consequences. The side effects of the new invention must be carefully analyzed in order to determine whether it will make life more complicated and difficult in the long run. If the technology has very few negative side effects, then its benefits outweigh its risks, and it can become a very safe and useful tool for society. Most developments in the medical field satisfy these criteria, because they improve the health of patients without bringing them harm.

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Ideas: very good.

Technical Errors: very few (ie. Internet is not capitalized, "which very few negative side effects"), good job.


Primary Objective - The Writing Tasks:

Task #1: overall: very good

- "perpetual clouds of smog over large cities" seems like a hyperbole.

- note the last sentence in your paragraph #1: beware of asserting Task #1 as your personal opinion because you have to contradict yourself in Task #2

Task #2: very good, clear (just in terms of technique: "MRI's" is repeated too often.

Task #3: clear, consistent; could be better had you been specific about what kind of side effects are acceptable and which are not.

Two Independent Markers:

Score #1: 4/6

Score #2: 5/6

Overall Letter Grade: Q

For a clearer definition of the meaning of a score out of 6, look at the last section of the first lesson for The Writing Sample in The Gold Standard MCAT or below:

6/6: Thorough exploration of the topic and fully addressed tasks are features of six point essays. These essays show depth, structure, excellent vocabulary and sentence control as well as coherent focused organization.

5/6: All tasks are addressed by the essay. The treatment of the subject is substantial but not as thorough as for a six point essay. While some depth, structure and good vocabulary and sentence control is exhibited, this is at a lower level than for a six point essay.

4/6: All three tasks are addressed but the topic is given only a moderate exploration. Clarity of thought is present but some digression is seen although the text is structured. The quality of the vocabulary and of the sentence structure is adequate.

3/6: The essay distorts or neglects one of the three tasks. The issue may be only minimally treated. The essay demonstrates basic control of sentence structure and vocabulary, but the language may not serve to adequately forward the writer's thoughts. The essay may show organization but may be classified as simplistic.

2/6: The essay completely fails to address adequately one or more of the tasks. There may be recurring mechanical errors (i.e. spelling and grammar). Problems with analysis and organization are typical.

1/6: Problems with organization and mechanics in these essays make it very difficult for the reader to follow them. The essay may fail to address the topic entirely.

The essay is scored by two readers on a scale of 1 (lowest) to 6 (highest). The combined scores from the two essays (2 to 12 out of 12) are then converted to a scale ranging from J (lowest) to T (highest):

J (2), K (3), L (4), M (5), N (6), O (7), P (, Q (9), R (10), S (11), T (12)